One of the most pressing questions a couple has to answer after becoming newly pregnant is: when are you going to shout your news to the world and tell everyone your expecting? How long do we keep this pregnancy a secret? Especially the first time around, because it’s SO EXCITING. Especially if we’ve been trying for a while because IT FINALLY HAPPENED. Especially if you’re experiencing a pregnancy after loss because, well…it’s scary. It’s still magical, don’t get me wrong. What is lessmagical is the fact that one in five pregnancies end in a miscarriage. That’s 20% you guys. 20% of women who’ve had kids has lost a baby. What a heartbreaking statistic! Do you want to know what I think about that statistic? I think it’s cruel and unfair and I don’t like it.
Here’s the thing we lost our daughter Mia at 20 weeks with less than 1% chance of what had happened taking place. Life can be so damn unfair, but do you want to know why I have the confidence to announce my pregnancy to the people in our lives, even after a loss? Simply because life is always beautiful.
If I’m only going to be pregnant for a certain amount of time , then you can bet your ass that I’m going to celebrate that tiny life while it’s with me. I’m going to dream and be happy and let myself get excited because life is always beautiful, no matter its length. I have this blessing, a beautiful gift of life growing inside of me. I refuse to let past trauma rain on my life building parade.We all need love. We all need prayer. My mom was the one who told me the more people you tell, the more people praying of your baby. It’s so true.
When you lose someone, it is vital to have a support system.You need people who love you and understand you and who can hold you up when you’ve been beaten down.
If I were to tell no one about my pregnancy, then there would be no one to check in on me, no one to see how I’m doing, and no one’s shoulder to cry on if something were to go wrong. They wouldn’t know, and I need them to know. And you know what? They want to know.
One of the most difficult parts of losing a child is the loneliness you feel afterward. Sometimes it feels like you can’t relate to anyone around you because your world has screeched to a grinding halt and theirs seems to be smoothly spinning on. They’re affected by your pain and they empathize, but that depth of ache inside of you; they can’t grasp it. And you don’t want them to, so you keep to yourself.
This is so wrong. #Sorrynotsorry, but you guys, why do we keep something so painful buried? When so many people have suffered the tragedy of losing a child, why should we have to feel so alone?
Healing is by no means a one size fits all garment. But I firmly believe that community brings healing. It may take us a while to reach that point of realization in the beginning, but holding hands with someone fighting similar battles that you are makes you stronger. They give you hope when you see them lifted up, and you give them courage when you boldly and joyfully live despite of your pain.
Trust in God always. This has been a recurring theme for my life. Between the rays of sunshine are some wicked storms and I sometimes let myself feel fear when I look at all that can go wrong in life. I’m like Peter walking on the water and I take my eyes off of Jesus…I start to sink.
But then I remember that this one thing always remains true: God is still there. He has a plan, even if I don’t understand it or like sometimes. No matter what this chaotically beautiful world throws at my little family, I know that God sees it all and that he cares . I may not understand what he’s up to all of the time (try most of the time), but I do trust Him.
No matter the outcome of each new life we conceive and begin to dream about, we stand firm knowing that God loves that little one even more than we do. We know that each life is in his hands and he will sustain us whether we’re facing peace or sorrow. He’s just that good, friends.